Talking about forgiveness is remarkably challenging. One of the daunting tasks for the pastor is to explain principles, knowing that there can be a variety of applications. Every situation is different, but the biblical principles are the same. And quite honestly, publicly preaching/teaching cannot get into every application. But it can give principle. That’s why faithful church ministry does not just happen publicly when we worship God and hear His word congregationally. Ministry should happen house-to-house as we fellowship in community groups and one-on-one as we grow together in discipleship or counseling. In those fellowship and discipleship moments, the more specific application help happens.
I also add that knowing our congregation like I do, there are many hurting people. Many have had things done to them or said about them that are untrue and painful. I know this each time I speak on a passage and topic, like yesterday. Knowing our people and their pain makes teaching this topic challenging.
Some Questions and Answers About Restoring Relationships
I had some great questions yesterday, and I’ll put those here, along with my answers. Plus, a few more than I’ve had throughout the years.
Question: Do I tell people who hurt me that I forgive them?
Answer: No. You never verbalize forgiveness to the person who hurt you unless they ask you to forgive them. Otherwise, you are taking the privilege of owning their responsibility from them. However, if they come to apologize (“I’m sorry for____”), I usually follow with, “Are you asking me to forgive you?” If they’re affirmative to that, I then say, “Yes, I forgive you.” It is a privilege and a joy when people take responsibility for their actions, allowing reconciliation to start. We never want to short-circuit that by simply telling people we forgive them if they don’t ask us.
Question: Let’s say you’ve forgiven the person and hold no grudges, but they’ve not acknowledged their wrongdoing. They think things should remain as they always have. What do you do?
Answer: You must verbalize to them what they’ve done that you find so wrong. If you’ve done that and they still do not see their wrong, you must decide if you can “let love cover a multitude of sins” or if the sin is so grievous that you can’t. This is where you need some practical counsel from a wise, Christian friend.
Question: Is it wrong to keep a family member away from my family if they have continued to hurt us or others?
Answer: No. As I said on Sunday, restoration takes trust over time. If someone has a pattern of hurting others, you are responsible for protecting your family before the Lord. However, if, over time, they have shown a pattern of change, you will need to re-evaluate. Again, depending on the nature of the infraction, the restoration might take longer.
Question: Is it your job to ‘test’ other people’s repentance?
Answer: No and yes. I answered it this way on purpose. Ultimately, the Lord’s job is to work with people to produce fruits of repentance. He does more than we ever can. None of us are judges of another person’s repentance. But we are called to be “fruit inspectors.” This is why I say ‘yes.’ If someone seems to be repentant, depending on the nature of the sin and the closeness of the relationship, you can begin to take baby steps toward restoring trust.
Question: How do I know if someone is ready to be restored?
Answer: Fruits of repentance will be evident to everyone who was sinned against by this person. One of my favorite stories about restoration is from Charles Spurgeon. His church had a man who stole money from the church and was under church discipline. Spurgeon was asked, “When do we restore this man?” Spurgeon replied, “When his repentance is as notorious as his sin.” So, when a person’s repentance is as known and seen as their sin, it’s time. Again, depending on the nature of the sin and the specifics of your situation.
A Quote I Didn’t Have Time For
From A.P. Ross on Joseph’s brothers: “They had maliciously sold Joseph, hoping that his dreams would be put to an end; God used that means to bring him to Egypt so that they now might have a savior in the famine. God can bring good out of evil, as the developing message of Genesis has shown. But every sin, every failure, every self-deceiving enterprise that appears to work in one way, although evil, carries its own cost because it is sin. The brothers’ life was not what it might have been had they not sinned; nevertheless, because of their sin and its pain, they developed a deeper appreciation for one another and a greater understanding of their sovereign Lord God.”
Looking Ahead
This coming Sunday, we will study Genesis 44:16-47:12 as we see Israel head to Egypt. This is a significant moment in Biblical history, and it’s fascinating how God put everything in place to make it happen.
From the Cheap Seats
- The Alabama/Georgia game might have been one of the best in the last several years. Here are the video highlights. It will be well worth 20 minutes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ae4vpzIxL6k
- The Texas Rangers’ season came to a merciful end. Their reign as World Series’ Champion has come to an end. But I’ve enjoyed it:). The future looks bright with Wyatt Langford, Evan Carter, Josh Jung, Kumar Rocker, and Jack Leiter.
- Now, the MLB playoffs begin. Sadly, the two teams I’m rooting for, the Orioles and the Royals, are set for a wild-card match-up. If you want to see two of the best young shortstops in the game, that series will have it.
To watch or listen to the sermon described in this post, please click here.
Have a great week! Christ is King!
In Christ,
Dave York
