Fights and Quarrels

When our kids were younger, we wanted them to memorize key Bible verses, such as James 4:1. We did this because conflict is inevitable. Our kids were going to experience it, and we wanted them prepared. The biblical perspective is that we must ask ourselves what our contribution has been to the conflict. James 4:1 reminds us that fights and quarrels come from passions waging war inside us.

What about others?

One of the challenges with James 4:1 is what if we’ve evaluated ourselves (with the help of others) and our current conflict is not due to our sinful desires, but to someone else’s? A conflict may be due to someone else’s anger over a misunderstanding, someone being jealous of a promotion you received, or a child coveting another child’s toy. How do we handle these types of moments?

The first thing is not to judge the other person’s motives or passions. We can’t see why people do what they do. We must be sensitive to them and attempt to resolve the conflict by constantly learning and asking good questions: Was there something I did that offended you? What did you hear me say that created a separation between us? It’s essential to go into situations with the heart of a learner, not an accuser.

The second thing is to do all you can to be at peace with others, but there may be some who take you up on the offer for peace. They will need time to see their contribution, and no amount of you continually pursuing them will change them. If they are Christians, we can expect God’s Spirit to justly deal with them and expose their sin.

Several years ago, Jill and I had unintentionally hurt someone, and we could not understand what we had done. We asked them, but they were never willing to share their concerns, and we tried to be at peace with them. It never happened. We hated it. Then one day, years later, I ran into them in town. With tears in their eyes, they came to me and apologized, asked me to forgive them, and wanted to clear the air. My response was ‘Of course, I forgive you.’ They went on to tell me that Jill and I had done nothing wrong; it was all on them. It was freeing for them and us.

Humble yourself before the Lord, and He will exalt you:

If you ever want to hear a great story about how God’s Spirit jealously longs for us and how He will do crazy things to get to our hearts, please listen to my story from Sunday’s sermon about making marketing materials to promote my preaching ministry. You’ll get a great laugh out of that. As Chris Guastaferro stated, “that tape story never gets old.”

But here’s a question: how does God exalt us when we humble ourselves before Him? We know how God will humble us if we try to exalt ourselves. But James 4:10 says that God will exalt us if we humble ourselves before Him. How does this happen?

Well, there is an interesting irony in all of this. When we are selfishly ambitious and bitterly jealous, we attempt to elevate ourselves above others. But the result is chaos and humiliation. But if we humble ourselves before the Lord, He will exalt us. How does this happen?

So, here’s what Scripture seems to address about this.

With selfish ambitions, we need exaltation for our value and identity, and we need it to define who we are. The aspirations we pursue might not be bad: business, athletic, music, and management successes are not bad in and of themselves. They are wonderful gifts, but bad gods. We need exaltation of any kind to be someone or something.

When we humble ourselves, our need becomes a relationship with God. We find our value and identity in our relationship with Him, through Christ. God defines who we are, and we trust that our gifts, interests, and passions are given to us by Him for His glory, not ours. And here’s what God does: in His infinite wisdom and power, He gives us the things we aspired to because we no longer need them. We receive them as gifts but don’t worship them as god. It’s a huge difference.

Some of you asked me on Sunday what the outcome of my marketing campaign was. I did not receive one preaching opportunity from the over 300 tapes and pamphlets I sent. But here’s what I did receive: a transformed heart. I started to entrust myself (gifts, opportunities, money) to the Lord and define myself as a man of God, a godly husband, and a godly father, and I no longer needed success to define who I was. At this season of my life, I find myself in places with opportunities that are far beyond what I’ve ever thought and dreamed. The difference is that those things don’t define me now, and I don’t need them.

Cheap Seats

Have a great week!

Christ is King!

In Christ,

Dave York

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