As you can imagine, the list of things I cut from Sunday’s sermon about forgiveness was immense. It was challenging to narrow down to the things that seemed most important for our congregation at this season of our church. So, there are quite a few things that I’ll write about here that I hope can answer some questions.
“Speaking/Granting” Forgiveness:
Perhaps this is one of the areas that seemed to hit home with folks on Sunday. The fact that there are two types of forgiveness listed in the Bible was new information for some of us. But when there is no confession of sin, there should not be spoken forgiveness to the sinner. Reasons for this are many, but we see this in the Bible. We are not granted forgiveness of our sins until we confess we’re sinners and believe in Jesus. If someone sins against us, they are not ‘won’ back without repentance.
Now, where this gets really off the rails is when Christians believe it’s right and best to tell people who’ve sinned against them something like: “I want you to know that I forgave you for lying about me”; or “I forgave you a long time ago for being a jerk.” You can see how self-righteous this sounds (and probably is).
Instead, here’s the best and I think the most biblical approach: forgive the person who sinned against you in your heart and mind. Keep it between you, the Lord, and maybe a close confidant. And pray the person will confess their sin to you and repent. When they do that and ask you to forgive them, freely tell them that they’re forgiven, and you’re grateful they came to you.
What about forgiving myself or forgiving God?
First, let me say there is not one Bible verse that tells us to do either of these. These ideas have come out of our world to help people deal with regret or help them deal with hard things that have happened to them. So, let’s look at each separately.
When someone tells me that they can accept God’s forgiveness but haven’t forgiven themselves, I believe what they’re saying is that they still feel regret about what they’ve done. They somehow keep beating themselves up over their sin, and they can’t get over it. Here’s a very brief response to that: forgiving ourselves can be condemnation, and it can also be thinking too highly of our judgment. Condemnation is a constant reminder that we’re still in our sins. It’s a nagging feeling that we need to do something else to pay for our sin. The gospel answer to condemnation and forgiving ourselves is: in Christ, God has said you are forgiven. He didn’t say you’d ‘feel’ forgiven; He said you ‘are’ forgiven. Therefore, saying we need to forgive ourselves is adding to the gospel, and if we’re not careful, we are attempting to add another layer of what Christ has already done. We need to be careful there.
Further, if we say we need to forgive ourselves when God has already said we’re forgiven, we’re making our judgment higher than God’s. It sounds awful, but we’re saying, ‘my judgment about my sin is better than God’s, and since I don’t think I can forgive myself, I’m not forgiven. So, we need to be careful. I would add this: most of the time, when I hear someone tell me this, I’m assuming they need to hear the gospel more, and they need to apply, appreciate and believe in the complete forgiveness of God in Christ.
Now, on the issue of forgiving God, I think we need to be careful. Saying that we need to forgive God means that God sinned against us, made a mistake, or is at fault for something evil. That is an impossibility. People have told me before that after they went through hardship, they heard God say, “I’m sorry. I made a mistake on that.” And they found great comfort from that. My reply is and has been, “I don’t think God told you that because God doesn’t make mistakes. And I’m not sure how comforting it would be to serve a God who made mistakes.” Hardships, difficulties, successes, failures, or anything that comes to us have been sifted through the perfect wisdom of God and are for our eternal good and His eternal glory. Nothing that happens to us is by mistake. There’s no wasted action with God. So, if we feel like we need to forgive God, I would say that God isn’t the one needing forgiveness…we are.
Trust over time:
I’ll cover this more this coming Sunday, but I’ve been asked a few times about when and how relationships are restored. My response is that restoration is trusting over time. Over time, the person who sinned against you (or vice-versa) will regain your trust over time, and when that happens, there’s restoration. But restoration cannot be rushed or pressured.
For example, if a husband was unfaithful in his marriage and his wife received him back and forgave him, restoring their marriage (and marriage bed) will take time. And, the timing of that is really in the hands of the wife. Now, she shouldn’t use this as a weapon, but she should be the one who opens the door, as she regains trust in her husband.
Or another example: if a close friend betrays you and then repents, the restoration will take time. And depending on the nature of the betrayal, it could take more time. But restoration is at the timing of your trust in your friend.
See, if the sinner tries to pressure the innocent party into restoration, it’ll break trust. That’s why I say that the person who was sinned against has the timing of restoration in their hands. Critical, we keep this in mind. I’ve heard of people sinning against others in awful ways. As I’ve counseled folks through these things, the most difficult thing after a confession has happened is the timing of restoration.
It’s trust over time.
This week and this coming Sunday:
Perry has done a great job coming up with questions to discuss on video. I hope those have been helpful for you. We’ll cover some questions that I received after Sunday’s message this week. But if you have something you’d like us to discuss, please don’t hesitate to shoot that to Perry at [email protected].
This coming Sunday, we will dive into the plan that Christ has given us for restoration. We’ll start in Matthew 7:1-5 and make our way to Matthew 5:23-24 and Matthew 18:15-20.
From the Cheap Seats:
- Bills vs. Chiefs was the greatest NFL game in the history of the NFL. Here are the highlights, and it will be 17 minutes that will leave you astounded: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1dp2ZKi0cc.
- This was the best weekend of football games I have ever watched. I’m not alone. Peter King, who is a prolific NFL writer, said the same. Every game went down to the wire, and every game had a last-second field goal in regulation. How does that happen?
- MLB and MLBPA had productive meetings today, and there’s hope on the horizon. Let’s go.
Forgiven servants become forgiving servants. That’s something I’m thinking about this week.
In Christ,
Dave York
