Woes of Worries

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Several years ago, I was a worry wart. I would make up things to worry about to feel like I was doing something. Jill told me I didn’t need to worry, but I did. I memorized key verses about worry and tried to apply them, but to no avail. It was a long-term issue for me. I struggled with anxiety as a teenager, and it translated into my early 20s. One doctor told me that if I didn’t get a handle on my anxiety, it would lead to long-term health issues.

I could never get to the bottom of it until the mid-2000s. I was in my mid-30s, struggling with anxiety and being overwhelmed. I struggled in every area: I wasn’t great at home because worrying about things at the church consumed me. I wasn’t a great pastor because worrying about what others thought of me weighed me down. What was odd was that things were going well. Yes, we had our regular church issues but were healthy and steadily growing. My home was excellent, with four of our five kids below 10, and Caleb hadn’t been born yet. Things were good…but I wasn’t.

One day in 2008, I was in John Day for a baseball tournament. I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was bitterly cold in the morning, and I knew we wouldn’t play for a while, so I went for a walk and poured my heart out to the Lord. I stopped at a park bench to sit down as the Lord began to overwhelm my heart and started to reveal the root issue of my anxiety. I was not applying the good news of the gospel to my life, and because of that, anxiety overwhelmed me.

Here’s what I learned:

I struggled with fear of man because I genuinely believed that human applause and respect were better than God’s. The good news of the gospel says that God approves of me and loves me more than anyone else can or ever will.
I struggled with fear of uncertainty because I genuinely believed I could control all the outcomes. When outcomes happened outside of my control, I was lost. The good news of the gospel says that God, through Christ, will provide every need in Christ.
I struggled with a deep fear of God’s disapproval and anger with me because I didn’t wholeheartedly believe in God’s grace toward me. I know my sin all too well. But God knows it better. The good news of the gospel says that God’s discipline is an activity of His love for me, and He is never impatient or mildly frustrated with me.

That moment in 2008 changed my life. The gospel became clearer, sweeter, and more life-transforming than ever before. Let me explain some of the changes that have occurred since that time.

Rather than making up things to worry about, this began to allow me to not worry about anything untrue. When I realized that God would only allow what He deemed best for my soul, it allowed me not to try to make stuff up to worry about.
Instead of allowing peoples’ displeasure to crush me and approval to satisfy me, I started to care “less” about what others thought and rejoice in what God, in Christ, thought about me. This allowed me to receive applause and criticism with gratitude, and neither “defined” me.
I started to believe that I could only faithfully do my part and that it was up to God to do the rest. For instance, I can’t make anyone repent or change. Only God can do that. My job is to be faithful to God, share what He said, and let Him do His work.

Since then, the level of peace has been consistent and the growth in Christ has been on a consistent uptick. This doesn’t mean I have no battles with anxiety. But now, I have new tools to fight this unseemly enemy.

Do you see areas where you’re not living in the good news of the gospel?

Sunday:

Every time I am away on a Sunday, I thank God that the pulpit will be filled with faithful men. Luis did that again this past week. I’m looking forward to hearing his sermon on James 2:21-26 because it’s the “meat” of that section on faith and works.

The other thing about missing church and having other guys fill the pulpit is that it takes a remarkable church to receive good preaching from other guys than their Sr. Pastor. CLF, I am incredibly grateful that you are so encouraging about other men filling in for me.

From the Cheap Seats

Those were good wins this past weekend by Beavers and Aggies baseball.
By the way, don’t look now, but the Rangers have started 8-2, and their best hitters haven’t been very good. We’ll see if they can continue winning and if Seagar can get on a roll.
One of my favorite college players had his first four-hit pro game this weekend: https://www.instagram.com/share/BADDr4Y7ni.
Ok, there’s speed, and then there’s this: https://www.instagram.com/share/BBUVQGyMpi.
And there’s this…a record that I never thought would be broken, was and in fewer games: https://www.espn.com/nhl/story/_/id/44086882/social-media-reaction-alex-ovechkin-wayne-gretzky-goal-record-nhl.