As promised, this blog post will focus on some nuances I didn’t have time to address on Sunday. Sunday’s sermon was on Matthew 5:31-37 about divorce and vows.
Please know that what’s challenging about a Sunday sermon is that you cannot cover EVERYTHING that the Bible says about a particular issue. That was the case on Sunday. The Bible speaks in three different sections about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Our focus for Sunday was on one text, and because of that text’s connection to vows in the following paragraph, it was important to stay focused on that point. And let me be clear about this: Jesus is serious about Christians keeping their vows and their word. As you’ll see below, there are reasons Christians should bow out or walk away, but the main emphasis in Matthew 5:31-37 is on keeping our vows and promises. Let your ‘yes,’ be ‘yes,’ and your ‘no,’ be ‘no.’
Concerning marriage, divorce, and remarriage, Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:1-12, and 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 are the main texts that speak on these issues. There are two limited reasons the Bible gives for divorce: adultery (sexual immorality) and abandonment by a non-Christian. God makes it limited because of the seriousness of marriage vows and because God views marriage as important for the good of society.
So, let me say a few things about this (and we’ll talk more about this on our podcast):
- Divorce is permitted for these reasons, but it is not commanded. And generally, this is when ‘hardness of heart’ sets in. If the sinning spouse is sincerely repentant, there is an opportunity for the marriage to remain intact and, eventually, be restored to what God intends. But many have taken Jesus’ words as if He commanded divorce, and that’s not accurate. He permitted it because of the ‘hardness of heart’ and limited it to sexual immorality. The implications of Jesus’ words are that if a divorce happens because of sexual immorality, the innocent spouse is free to remarry another Christian.
- Abandonment by a non-Christian is one that largely gets ignored and, in my pastoral experience, doesn’t get talked about enough. In 1 Corinthians 7:10-16, Paul makes it clear that Christians who are married to non-Christians are to remain in their marriages if their non-Christian spouse is willing to remain. The hope is that the non-Christian will see and hear Christ from their Christian spouse. However, if the non-Christian chooses to leave, Paul said that the Christian spouse should let them go, and they are free to remarry another Christian.
- Where things get tricky is: what do you do if two Christians are married and one decides they’re done and wants a divorce for reasons that are not listed by Jesus or Paul? If that happens, the Christian who wants a divorce is in sin and should be confronted about this. If they refuse to repent, then a Church Restoration (Discipline) process from Matthew 18:15-20 should be formally administered. If they still continue to live in sin, then the Church is to remove that individual from regular, consistent fellowship and treat them as a ‘Gentile and a tax-collector’ (non-Christian). At that point, the offending spouse is being treated as an unbeliever rejecting Christ’s authority, which many believe may constitute abandonment.
- What saddens me as a pastor and friend is that many people do not consider the Word of God regarding their marriage and desires for divorce. We live in an ‘easy-out’ culture, and people consider their feelings and emotions, rather than what honors the Lord.
Finally, if you’ve been divorced and remarried, the Word of God would challenge you to be faithful to the marriage you are currently in. As a Christian, if you were divorced for reasons other than what God’s Word has allowed, you might consider confessing that to your ex-spouse, as a way of humbling yourself and showing your commitment to Christ and your current spouse. But that would require some wisdom, and I would encourage you to seek out advice from godly pastors and friends.
Concerning when to back out of commitments, I truly believe that Psalm 15:4 is the best way to live. Being a person others can rely on, whose word actually means something, reflects the character of Christ. However, that doesn’t mean there aren’t situations that call for resignation or removal.
At the outset, let me say that it is very important to always know what we’re getting ourselves into BEFORE we make a commitment. For instance, I made a rash decision to coach Legion Baseball a few summers ago. Looking back, I should’ve spent more time evaluating the time commitment and family challenges that coaching summer baseball would entail. I didn’t, and it cost me. But I believed that showing my children and others what faithfulness looked like mattered deeply.
But there are moments when we should resign or remove ourselves. I have found that if staying would require you to violate your convictions, neglect responsibilities, enable moral and organizational dysfunction, or continue in a situation where trust and fruitfulness cannot be restored, it might be time to resign. Implied in these things is that you have spoken directly to the people you’ve made the commitment to. Meaning, there’s a clear trail showing how you’ve appealed to those people. This should not be reactionary or instantaneous.
Further, if there is any abuse, you should remove yourself from it. By abuse, I mean situations involving physical danger, coercion, intimidation, or patterns of destructive behavior. If you’re in a position that could protect others, you probably need to make sure you have fulfilled your responsibilities to those people before resigning.
Here are a few signs that might lead you to resignation:
- The commitment requires ongoing compromise of integrity or conscience.
- You have become more harmful than helpful in the role.
- Trust has been deeply broken, and sincere efforts to repair that have failed.
- The situation is damaging your family, health, or walk with God.
- Your continued presence is creating division or confusion.
- The original calling, capacity, or your season of life has genuinely changed.
- Wise, trusted counselors consistently affirm that stepping away is appropriate.
- You are staying primarily out of fear, pride, guilt, or the need to preserve your reputation.
But…don’t do this swiftly, or too soon. Here’s what I would suggest:
- Pray for change and for your heart.
- Evaluate your desires with trusted, godly, wise counselors.
- Work toward reconciliation, with the heart of Christ.
- If you do leave, make it clear why you’re leaving (they should already know your concerns), and leave with humility, not with exploding accusations (unless legally and others’ safety is necessary).
Looking ahead:
This Sunday, I will speak from Matthew 5:38-48 about loving our enemies. Probably the most challenging section to date.
Cheap Seats:
- Not the way for the Rangers’ season to head into June, with Wyatt Langford and Corey Seagar on the IL. They’re both injury-prone dudes, but they’re also the Rangers’ best hitters.
- Jeremiah Robbins, the former Umpqua Community College and Doc Stewart’s Head Baseball Coach, is coaching Lewis and Clark State in Lewiston, Idaho. He previously coached there. Well, they have earned the right to be in the NAIA College World Series beginning this weekend.
- The Dodgers-Padres rivalry is really interesting. 8 of their last 12 games have been one-run games. They are must-watch for baseball fans.
Christ is King!
In Christ,
Dave York
