Talking about biblical forgiveness is challenging for a few reasons: 1) People inevitably get the impression that forgiveness lacks accountability, or they misunderstand how restoration happens; 2) there’s so little forgiveness in our world that they have no category for it; 3) We don’t think long and hard enough about how much we’ve been forgiven. There may be more reasons, but these are the ones I encounter most often.
To answer some of those questions, I want to point you to two sermons about forgiveness:
- “From Forgiven to Forgiving (2nd edition)” was preached at CLF in January, 2022. This sermon describes a fuller explanation about biblical forgiveness: https://clfroseburg.com/sermons/https-clfroseburg-com-sermons-from-forgiven-to-forgiving-2nd-ed/.
- “The Danger of Unforgiveness” was preached at CLF in November 2017. This is on the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18: https://clfroseburg.com/sermons/https-clfroseburg-com-sermons-the-danger-of-unforgiveness/.
Forgiveness is hard. Anyone who’s been sinned against knows this. And the closer the relationship, the deeper the pain. We should never say that this is easy. It is costly, and it requires us to dig deep mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. So, in this post, I’d like to speak to this from personal experience and walk you through the almost-daily battle I face. My hope is to give you hope, and it’s to help you see how our God helps us in our most vulnerable moments.
Let me start by saying this…I’ve done some dumb, hurtful things to people through the years. I can honestly say that in every situation that I have known about, I have gone to seek their forgiveness and try to make things right between us. I’m sure there are situations I don’t know about where folks have been hurt by me, and I would love to know so I can make it right, if possible. Further, I’m a very direct talker. I don’t like hidden agendas or veiled conversations. Some people appreciate that, and some don’t. I try to be loving, but I’ve recently realized I don’t come across as gentle as I should. It’s one reason why this sermon series has been so good for my soul.
With that said, we have been hurt quite a bit through the years by people who were close friends or those whom we (Jill and I) invested a lot of time and energy in. It hasn’t surprised us because we know that it comes with the territory of what I do for a living. But the cuts that hurt the deepest were those from people we thought were close friends or would understand us and give us grace. As I said in the previous paragraph, in almost all of these situations (I’m pretty sure all of them), we have sat down and talked through our differences, and we have been reconciled. But, where I found the greatest battle was in my mind and heart, by the hurts springing back up in the form of accusations against them (even after we had reconciled). To combat this, what I do fairly regularly is remind myself that I sinned deeply against God and He has been very kind not hold it against me. I remind myself of God’s patience with me and His gracious approach. I preach the gospel to myself and say things like, “God, as you’ve forgiven me, I choose to forgive them. I don’t want to bring this back up in my mind anymore.” I want to go to war with unforgiveness and bitterness.
However, there are some situations in which we’ve been hurt, and people didn’t come to us to apologize or seek our forgiveness for quite some time. I can think of a couple off the top of my head where some folks said some terrible things about my character. This came after years of investment in their lives and trying to care for their family. I did my best. It wasn’t perfect, nor was it always smooth. But we tried. After years of investment, they lashed out. But they didn’t do it to us; they spoke their frustrations to others. It was hard. Mike Keller and Bill Heard (two of our elders and men I deeply respect) told me that there are times in life when we have to let the Lord be the protector of our reputations, put our heads down, and let our faithfulness speak rather than our words. Jill and I both did that. There was nothing we could do. Several years later, in separate moments, we were unaware that we were in the same room as our accusers. In both situations, the Lord convicted their hearts, and they came to us to ask for forgiveness for saying such mean things about us. We did. But we learned a valuable lesson…sometimes, there’s no opportunity to confront the person who sinned, or they avoid you like the plague, and you have to forgive in your heart and entrust yourself to the Lord. I can tell you that every time we’ve had to do that, the Lord has been faithful to bring peace to our hearts and help us navigate through painful things.
Forgiveness is something we really need to stay on top of. I’m concerned that we violate Hebrews 12:15 more than we ever know. The writer of Hebrews wrote, “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled…” Bitterness and unforgiveness cause trouble, and many are defiled by it. I don’t want to live an unforgiving, bitter life.
Let me say one last thing on this: It’s so important to stay current with your own heart, with others, and with the Lord. Don’t let a day go by without wrestling with God over these issues.
Sovereign Grace Church Missions:
Monthly, SGC sends out a missions blog post on things to pray for. Here is the link for February’s: https://sgcmissions.com/blog/things-to-pray-for-in-february-3.
You can subscribe to it if you’d like to receive it. I find it very encouraging as I see all the places where God is at work around the globe.
Looking Ahead
This week, we will look at the command not to slander one another in James 4:11-12. The idea about this sermon is to guard our mouths from speaking disparaging words about one another to others.
Cheap Seats
- In a rare twist, I planned to be preaching in Bozeman, Montana, a few months ago. I never thought about it being Super Bowl Sunday. All year long, we spend Sundays with our extended family watching football, and they are huge Seahawks fans. We’re bummed that we’ll miss their big day, but we are pulling for the Seahawks. Sorry, Patriot fans (not really).
- I’m grateful that Spring Training begins the week after the Super Bowl. I know some of you are grateful that it’s the Daytona 500…but…you’re weird:).
- I don’t watch the NBA. I loosely keep up with the Dallas Mavericks. And I really like Cooper Flagg. Yes, I think it was a conspiracy that led to the Mavs getting the #1 overall pick, but I don’t really care about that. That dude is crazy competitive and doing things that no teenager has done since LeBron. And I’m not a LeBron fan (I’m an MJ fan).
Happy New Year!
Christ is King!
In Christ,
Dave York
